Stuckness
Lockdown has hit Victoria once again. Intellectually I know this will pass, but my body seems to be in a state of meh-ness stuckness and inertia. Not dissimilar to the feelings I experienced during 2020 and described in my previous blog post. I notice my colleagues are reporting similar experiencing. I seem to find it very hard to let my clients know I can’t see them face to face, I do let them know but I notice I’m putting it off to the last minute. I wonder what this is about and why this is? My clients matter to me and I do not like letting them down, yet this last minute mode of communication seems unprofessional. Thankfully they have been very responsive and forgiving, perhaps more than I would have been if this was my therapist. This is something I am curious about and will explore further in supervision so watch this space.
Anyway very early on during the first 2020 lockdown I reached out to my teacher Cornelia Elbrecht. She reflected that the whole world was experiencing a global trauma and those of us who have had a lived experience of trauma may be impacted double as our bodies respond on a deeper level to the goings on around us. She recalled watching a trauma expert speaking on YouTube or some such platform who appeared extremely disconnected, he spoke in a monotone as he tried to explain what was happening and how we could help ourselves get through this. This was validating (for me) as here was an ‘expert’ sitting with the unknown unable to hide his overwhelm and seemingly as shutdown and anxious about the whole COVID thing as the rest of us. I began to shift to a state of resigned acceptance. (My process toward acceptance in this situation is captured in the video I posted on my blog, companioning self collapse) Remember that was my response, it is not right or wrong. Someone else may have responded to that observation not so much as validating but as anxiety provoking. I invite you to be curious around your responses to people and things including this post.
Cornelia reminded me that the cure for stuckness is movement. There is a science behind movement, in particular body work like dancing, yoga, martial arts and sensorimotor art making, and the integration of trauma. The body makes a connection with the mind so that things blocking movement or awareness become awakened on a nuanced level. For example stuckness. In part we relearn how to inhabit our body in ways that are safe and regulated. This also encourages creativity and flow as we allow ourselves to become alive and free in that moment.
She suggested dancing my heart out each morning for at least 5-10 minutes. I found the Gabrielle Roth playlist on Spotify and off I went. It helped no end but I am human and as things got better I did lapse out of this habit. So to cure my latest meh and stuckness I have resurrected the playlist and have reinstated my daily dance (like nobody’s watching my two left feet) practise.
It has helped, it really has.
I feel energised and alive, energised enough to get this blog post written and to sew some hearts for the #1000hearts movement to send to people who would like a reminder of love hope courage and comfort.
I wonder what helps you feel energised and alive? How do you overcome stuckness? Whether it’s a wild dance, or a mindful walk in nature why not try it for at least 5 minutes a day. If that feels unachievable, be kind and compassionate toward yourself, there is always another time. In the meantime perhaps reach out, call a friend, or send me a message and I’ll send you a heart.
